11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
