More tranny stories later!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
