do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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