just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
