youre lurking in front of me
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
