Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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