I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
