party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
