Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
