it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
