margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
