Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
smell my finger.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
