so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
