There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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