I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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