miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
