I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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