That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
