you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
