I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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