Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
