i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
