So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
