when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
