Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
