Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
operation harelip BJ is a go
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
