do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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