"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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