out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
