I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
