i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
