I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
