Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
