Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
