How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
