First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
