Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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