Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
