Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize