my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Welp...herpes.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Is it penis luge time yet?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
