Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
