i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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