it wasn't lemon gatorade
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
