Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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