Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
