bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
