Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
