Be still, my beating vagina.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
