Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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