how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
