The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
