I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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