i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
