he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
