i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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