that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
