And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
