If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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