just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
