Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
