My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
