??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
