so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
