Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
