Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
