I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I think my moral compass just broke
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
