Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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