woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
