i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
