marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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