that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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