I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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