am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
