maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize