who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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