so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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