Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
