I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
