We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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