did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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