remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
two words: eviction party
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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