Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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