Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
