hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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