I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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