Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
