this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
