Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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