so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
