gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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