can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
