I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
