Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
