We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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