apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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