can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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