I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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