I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize