moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
