I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
