They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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