I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Randomize
