So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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