He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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