I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
