Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
