the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
