I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
