C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize