I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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